Hope is a vital thing; we need it as we need nourishment, shelter, fellowship and love. In the middle of your personal storm it is important to add in hope, in whatever form it is available to you. Hope is always there, sometimes we have to reorganize things, look under the rug and open all the drawers in order to find it but hope is ALWAYS available.

This week we had another bump in our family building journey. For the third time (fourth if you count the failed IVF embryo implantation) we experienced an early miscarriage known as a chemical pregnancy. A chemical pregnancy occurs when the egg and sperm meet and form an embryo but the embryo is then unable to implant in the uterus which results in the death of the embryo. (For a better understanding of a chemical pregnancy visit the following website: Chemical Pregnancy) Every loss is heartbreaking to us both.  We have ended fertility treatments not because we have given up on having biological children but because we are no longer willing to put our lives and emotions through the chaos of fertility treatments. We therefore have decided not to use any form of birth control and to allow God to lead our family building. We are still (and will continue regardless of having biological children) working towards our goals of adopting and we are open to any way God brings children into our family. This makes the possibility of great joy and great heartache a common theme in our family building journey. It can be easy given this roller coaster of emotions to spiral down into despair, doubt and heartache.

This is a key time to find the hidden hope in the situation. Many who have struggled with fertility have moments of feeling there is no hope in the face of loss. There is hope to be found in this situation. Here is my life boat of hope: we are able to get pregnant. At some point the egg and the sperm are connecting and forming a baby in my body. That means there is a chance of an embryo implanting inside my uterus someday. We grieve the loss of another miraculous baby but we are fully placing our trust in God to build our family in His time and in His way.

We cry, we hug and we cling to the knowledge that our family is going to be beautiful and miraculous in its own unique way. Hope is the key to it all, despair will not win or rob us of our joy in the process of adopting. ❤

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