There has been a lot going on lately, as usual in Casa Rudisill. For the last few months I have been experiencing a lot of abdominal pain and again underwent a series of tests with my OBGYN to attempt to determine the source of the pain. The pain reached its highest levels a few weeks ago and I ended up spending two days in the ER. At that point my doctor and I agreed we needed to do some exploratory surgery to see what exactly has been going on inside my body.

Monday morning I had a diagnostic laparoscopy to answer the question. This surgery involved inflating my abdomen with gas and inserting a small camera to look around. During the procedure my doctor found that it appears I had an ovarian cyst burst causing the intense upswing in my pain levels a few weeks ago but that I also had endometriosis growing on both ovaries and the back of my uterus. The endometriosis that she was able to locate was burned and removed and there was nothing left of the cyst that needed to be dealt with at this time. While looking my doctor also discovered some scar tissue has appeared and attached my intestines to my abdominal wall, which will require a separate surgery to correct at a later date. The cause of that scar tissue is as of yet unknown since I have never had any injuries or surgeries on my abdomen before now but the scar tissue will also have been contributing to my pain.

Now comes the hard part, where do we go from here? We have spent the last six years hoping to someday not only get pregnant but to stay pregnant. I adore our five children and I would like one more. I always dreamed of having the experience of feeling my baby grow within my stomach, as surely as the other five have grown in our hearts. However, there comes a point in time when one must accept the reality of their situation. PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility for women, and my PCOS has not been cooperating well over the last year. Endometriosis is also a leading cause of infertility and now we know I have that as well. All of that is excluding the other barriers we face to having a child biologically like my tilted uterus and me having hashimoto’s, a thyroid condition. Between this current health situation and the cancer scare we faced last summer we have realized the best course of action for us moving forward is for me to have a full hysterectomy. A hysterectomy would not solve all of my health problems but it would improve them a great deal and would stop my body’s hijinx from being such a painful interruption to our family life.

It has been six years of us building our family and we have five beautiful children to show for it, we have also experienced the heartbreak of six miscarriages and the all consuming roller coaster of emotion that goes along with both of those extremes. Until I began really considering having a hysterectomy I had not realized how consumed my life and thoughts have been with the possibility of someday….someday it would work, someday my body would get it’s act together. The idea of removing the possibility of such a someday existing is both heartbreaking and a relief. I am not sure how to work through all the various emotions I have coursing through me with this decision. I know that having a hysterectomy will be the best thing I can do both for my physical health, my emotional health (in the long term) and for my family but there is no doubting that it will be a hard process to go through. Please keep us all in your prayers during this time of upheaval and pain.

It is during times like these that we all must have something to cling to that brings us strength, peace and love. I am so thankful for the gospel in my life everyday but especially on days like today. I know my heavenly father is with me, I can feel the love of Jesus Christ around me and I know that I am not ever facing these trails or heartbreaks alone. I am also so blessed to have my amazing husband and our beautiful children to snuggle up with and to feel the complete love that flows through our family and home. That love also flows through our extended family and our friends who have all rallied around us to lift us up and help carry us through the physical realities of me being in pain for months and now recovering from surgery and the emotional pain of all that these physical challenges bring with them. No one should face something like this alone and thanks to God and the community of people he has surrounded us with we don’t have to face it alone. Thank you all for all the continued love and support.