Archive for May, 2017

We Are Moving

We're off on anotheramazing adventure!

You read that right,we are moving- at least on line. I want to thank all my readers who have followed our journey thus far. It has been beyond amazing so far, and I cannot wait to see where life takes us next. The building our family portion of our journey is over, now it is time to enjoy that family and the life we have before us.

As we begin this new chapter I am going to begin it with a new blog. I ask all of you who have enjoyed the journey thus far to join us on our new page Urban Rooted Mama.  We look forward to sharing the new adventures and challenges of life with you all.



A Rudisill Week 


We have had a lot of people ask us about our weekly schedule here in the Rudisill Casa. We are always in motion and there is never a dull moment. We have five children receiving various therapies and we homeschool. It can be crazy for sure but we are so thankful for all the opportunities our kids have to thrive. 

Weekly therapy and life schedule:

Monday’s- Caleb receives speech and occupational therapy and Alizé receives speech therapy 

Tuesday’s- I see my counselor because life can be hard to sort through on our own and sometimes we all need help 

Wednesday’s- Damien, Perry, Caleb, and Alizé all receive equine therapy (this is AMAZING) 

Thursday’s- Caleb receives speech and occupational therapy, Oliver receives speech therapy, and Perry receives occupational therapy. We have family dinners with my parents and sister Thursday evening. 

Friday’s- have been used for evaluations lately for the additional therapies we will be adding in such as ABA, P.L.A.Y. Project, educational therapy, etc. 

Saturday’s- I usually try to do something fun with the kids who have been working so hard all week 

Sunday’s- our sabbath is a challenge and I can tell you more about that in a moment but suffice to say Sundays are nutty. 

But wait….where does homeschool fit in? It can be a challenge, but we usually fit it in after therapies when the younger ones are napping. 

This last year, our first year of homeschooling, has been kind of crazy. We went into homeschooling overnight and although I had a curriculum I enjoyed, with Five in a Row, it didn’t meet all our needs. So I spent months investigating other curriculum, man there are a lot of amazing ones out there. I felt so torn until I stumbled across WinterPromise!! I am kind of obsessed with this curriculum now. This will be what we are using come fall and I cannot wait to dig into it with the boys. 

As many of you know, I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What you may not know is that on Sunday’s we attend three hours of church. The first hour we are all together and the second two hours all kids over 18 months of age go to either nursery or primary. 

It sounds great. Unfortunately, it isn’t an easy situation for our kids. We have tried all kinds of different tactics over the last two years and nothing has worked yet. Currently we are tying a few children at a time. Damien, Perry, and Alizé are the only ones going currently. Damien and Perry are in the same class and I have created a social story/ visual schedule for the boys so they know what to expect and so they have assurance that I will be there to pick them up after church every time. We are really blessed to have some great friends helping us transition the kids and we will add Oliver next and finally Caleb. Caleb has never made it through a Sunday at church so he will be the biggest challenge. We know it will be a lot of work but we also know it will be so worth it. 

Have you noticed what else is missing from that schedule? Do a quick check. 

Every day life things are missing; doctor appointments, dentist appointments, vacations, sick days, etc. When any of those common occurrences come up it throws the whole week off kilter. For instance, we all have the flu currently and the week is already getting complicated because of it. 

Also missing is time for me to refill my cup. Life has made me realize how important that time is lately. Friday’s will soon be reclaimed for Mama sanity days. 

That’s a snapshot of our weekly schedule. It can be crazy, it can be overwhelming. It is also amazing, beautiful, life giving, and miraculous!! 

Finding Myself In The Dark 

“How are you?” She asked, not as a generic greeting but out of genuine concern for the answer. 

Without restraint the answer comes easily “I am exhausted and I am sad.”

Exhaustion and pain are something we usually avoid at all costs. As human beings we tend to do everything we can to avoid the discomfort of being overly tired or facing pain. Yet, today I find myself so thankful for both exhaustion and pain. 

I have been having a difficult time lately. Difficult emotionally and difficult logistically. While it has been difficult and painful I am starting to find ways to feel more freely and truly myself than I have in years. Isn’t that always the way? Our most profound growth always comes through seasons of pain. 

Pain shows us much:

Pain shows us our strength 

Pain shows us how we respond under pressure 

Pain shows us our weaknesses 

Pain shows us where we can depend on support and, painfully, where we cannot

The reasons for my recent pain are lengthy, personal, and complex. Relationships are hard. Motherhood is hard. Raising children with special needs is hard. Owning your truth is hard. Closing the chapter on having children biologically, as I did with my hysterectomy, is hard. Struggling with your faith is hard. Living away from your tribe (but somewhere you love) is hard. Anxiety is hard. Mommy depression is hard. There have been a lot of hard and painful things going on lately and some days the pain is overwhelming. 

My exhaustion is just becoming the state of my being. My cup is empty and yet I must continue to pour out on those I love, because they need it and also because it is who I am as a person. The exhaustion is teaching me as much as the pain. 

Exhaustion means:

I do not have the energy to hide from myself 

I do not have the energy to worry over trivial things such as if the laundry got put away

I do not have the energy to parse out my personality. I am an open book, always have been, and exhaustion makes keeping quiet harder. My truth slips out without me having the energy to edit it

I do not have the energy to fight with myself, and when the fight stops I realize how often I am fighting with myself

It’s been a dark season. I can see the light dawning on the edges though and I am so thankful for this season and all I have learned. 

I have learned that I am vey prone to self-criticism, self-doubt, and second guessing myself. This has lead me to foolishly look outside of myself and God to find approval, when where I should have been looking was inward and upward. Looking in the wrong direction with misguided expectations is the quickest way to be disappointed. 

I have learned that all the chatter about filling your own cup, self-care, and being only one person are true. It really matters, and it has to be a priority or you will find yourself burnt out and unsure how to repair the damage. 

I have learned that it is not only ok to be myself but paramount to the happiness and peace of not only myself but also my family. 

I have learned that you can be doing exactly what you feel called to do in life and still find yourself exhausted or discouraged by it all. 

I have learned that life is much more fluid and in more shades of grey than I could ever have imagined and that there really is no one right way to do anything so trusting yourself is paramount. 

I entered this season of darkness feeling lost and confused. As I am coming out of it I have found myself and realized I couldn’t have made the journey in a season of light or joy. I needed the pain. I needed the exhaustion. I needed to be   forced to look within. I needed to plumb the depths of this darkness to truly begin to find myself.