Tag Archive: New Family

I just wanted some chocolate, chocolate always makes it better, even Harry Potter characters know that truth. I thought I had a fairly good poker face on and then I caught sight of myself in the reflection off the drive-thru window… who was that woman with disheveled hair, dark bags under her tear filled eyes and pale skin? My poker face does not exist, I wear all of my emotions on my face for the world to see. Unfortunately for the young man working the drive-thru window a message of support from my sister came through my phone right as he came to the window and tears broke through and trickled down my face. He was gracious but very uncomfortable, I do not think many people cry in the drive-thru window.

To begin with let me be clear, I am very acutely aware of how blessed we are to have such a large beautiful family. However, one can be aware of the blessings and still be living in a rough period. We have had a rough couple of days here. Our weeks have already become consumed with four different therapy appointments each week and many, many doctors appointments. We are slowly getting a handle on what exactly is going on with our children and how to best help them through the storm. This week we are going to be adding at least three more services for them. I am so thankful that these services are available for them and for the amazing people who are helping us connect our children with what they need.

Living in a state of being on guard for any potentially dangerous behaviors leaves one exhausted when you are doing so for one child, when there are four soon to be five I have found that even while sleeping I do not rest. Even when the stars align and they all sleep well at night I am often up late trying to read up on SPD, RAD, LD, CMT and a host of other combinations of alphabet soup. Our children have come so far in the short amount of time they have been in our home and I am so proud of their progress, determination and hard work.

The number of times in a day that I am forced to accept of the fact that I am but one person, with the limitations of being human is unbelievable. Whether it is when two of the four are having a hard time and in need of comfort and my hands are full or if it is because we are running out of time to schedule therapies in the week. Everyone tells me how great the kids are doing and how improved their behaviors are, and still I end each day feeling like I should have done more to help them through the struggles they face.

As I drove home yesterday with my chocolate and tears I knew my Mom guilt had won this afternoon and that I needed to give myself some grace, let the tears flow and prepare to dive back in. I drove home praying and telling God how inadequate I felt and laid all my worries for my children in His hands. Someday things will be more figured out and we will go through the motions of therapies, appointments, meltdowns and set backs with the calm of the experienced. There is only one way to that space and it is through these new days of finding our way. There will be days I will be crying in the drive-thru, yet even on those days there is pure love in every facet of our days. Thankfully we have our Heavenly Father to help us through and we do not have to do it all alone.


Parenthood in 3, 2, 1……

When you have been dreaming of something for years it can seem crazy to have those dreams come true. We have dreamt of having a family for so long and come close so many times that it seems insane that it is actually happening.  Last week we had our final interview with our case worker at our Foster Care & Adoption Agency.  The interview went great and we really like our case worker. She is honest, open, and hardworking and she herself has adopted through the foster care system more than once. She said our openness will make us easy to place children with and that since she cannot always find people interested in sibling groups she will call us first with large families. 🙂 The only steps left to be completed are our family profile being fully written based on our answers during our interview and our final home safety check. Our case worker is out of town this week on a vacation but said she was taking our profile with her to finish at the beach.  As soon as she is finished writing our profile she will come out to do our safety check and get our sign off on the profile. That day we will officially be open as a foster/adoption resource family. WOWZA. So, if all goes as planned sometime in the next two weeks we will be open and welcoming little ones into our hearts and home.  With all of the delays and false starts I was starting to think it would never happen for us and suddenly it is right around the corner and moving fast. We are so excited and to be honest a bit nervous about the huge changes coming our way. Send us prayers as we navigate the waters of new parents. ❤